ALMOST A YEAR!

SO!! I was thinking about this when I got up this morning! Did you know it has been almost a year since I started this weight loss journey?

Well, maybe I should call it a weight loss roller coaster to be honest with you.

I have found out A LOT of things about myself. Like I can count on NO ONE but myself to make this happen. Of course I do believe that this statement applies to most things in a persons life.

I try really hard to be a good person BUT I do occasionally get caught up in my own negative thoughts which allows me to be not such a good person.

I can say that I think for the most part I have been successful on losing weight this year.

I am down to 205.4 lbs. as of this morning on the scale. Not to shabby I must say considering I started at like 250 lbs. AND that's considering I had a HORRIBLE July where I broke my arm (still recovering from that one) and suffered a fairly severe head injury.

What is the saying though? OH WELL...THAT'S JUST LIFE!!! :)

As I draw closer to the end of this year though, I have committed myself to my goal of 150 lbs. the way I figure it is, I am half way there. I am not quitting yet! What does that prove anyways? Nothing except that I would be lacking the fortitude and strength of character to continue on with a commitment I made to myself. And if I can't keep a commitment to myself, THEN HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I KEEP A COMMITMENT TO ANYONE ELSE?!?!

You can't and that's my point!

So it begins...AGAIN!

HA HA! I have to laugh because I must say that there is A LOT of truth about the cycles and rythms that our bodies go through! Just like my end of the quarter goal...I missed it! IT SUCKS!!! I was really upset becuase I was only able to get down one more lbs and so I ended it at 222 lbs. Then I did go into to Kody's for like a week because of work and who knows what I am weighing now!

So I figured that it is time to wipe away those tears and just buck up and pull on my big girl panties and move forward from here! That is what I am doing! It has been a diffucult last few weeks because of the activities that my kids are involved in and then also because of some personal things in my life as well as in the lives of Jenn and Christine! You will have to read their blogs CUZ I AIN'T TELLING!!! :)

So I hit the gym again yesterday and I will do it everyday this week so that I can get back on track! I just had a salad for my breakfast so that I am not tempted to eat some SUGAR!!! And I figure that I have to take the good AND the bad as I make this journey!

Thanks for all of those how have supported us and we look forward to hearing from you!

Michelle 4-8-2009

Bitter Days and Better Days

Ok, so I guess one REALLY important factor that I should share with everyone is that I suffer from I guess what they would call clinical depression. Not very proud to say it. Not very excited to have the world know all of my little secrets and quirks, BUT i guess if we are going to lay it all out there then it is important for people to understand EXACTLY where I am coming from.

So I am not sharing this to get anyone's empathy or sympathy or even to give people ammunition against me (of course that part is inevitable) but I share it because a person's mood is a REALLY big part of why they eat and why they do (or do not) exercise.

I have stated before that I am an emotional eater and I have found that the more depressed I become (thus my current funk) the more I eat and the more I self loath. The more I eat and the more I self loath, ultimately the less I go to the gym and do not exercise.

Now it has been awhile since I had a really bad bout with depression (no, I am not medicated) and I had it hit me REALLY bad about 3 weeks ago. Well I was finding ways of coping with it because I have spent MANY hours with a therapist who has helped me to learn the causes of my depression and how to avoid the pitfalls, when I had a VERY hectic week last week and I did not get into Kody's to work out. When I began to miss my workouts, this is when I found myself spiraling into the nastiness of my depression. It is a pretty crappy place. It involves A LOT of crying, a lot of anger, a lot of food, well you get the picture.

Yesterday I had Jenn send me a text saying basically "Get your A@@ back in there and see Cliff and Kitty!" So I did. The funny thing was as I was walking in the door I began to cry even then because my emotions were just bubbling over and not in a good way. I got myself under control (my biggest fear is looking out of control! HA!) and I walked in and Shilo waved at me. Shilo has taken over training for us because Carl got called back to Provo on a family emergency. I hesitantly waved and smiled back and went and got changed. I had been working that morning which is REALLY hard to do when you feel terrible emotionally and I needed to put my workout clothes on.

After I changed, I went over to Shilo, who was helping another gentleman, and she asks me "you ready for me to kick your butt today?" Shilo is awesome! I smiled and replied "yes" and so she told me to go warm up on the treadmill because she was going to be about 15 minutes with gentleman she was already working with.

I jumped on the treadmill and started running and the more I ran, the better I felt. It was different though because I had been running at home the week before but this just felt different in my mind. Don't ask me why. I can not explain the reasoning behind it, all I know is that FOR ME, I needed to know that someone, besides me, cared!

So the whole reason for this story is let people know that the reason we have started this Healthy Edge is not just for the competition side of things, BUT FOR THE COMPANIONSHIP! We truly are trying to create a community for those who are wanting make a POSITIVE change in their lives. IT WILL NOT BE EASY!!! If I had not had Jenn tell me people missed me, if I had not had Shilo care enough to "kick my butt" :) then I would have more than likely surrendered myself to my depression. It truly takes support to do this. A lifestyle change IS NOT EASY! It takes LOTS of work and you will see success and you WILL SEE FAILURE! I do not say this to be mean but to let people know the reality of the situation. Anyone can do anything for a short period of time, BUT only those who a good support team can make a change on a permanent level. It is those who have had the chance to taste failure that will truly know what it is like to succeed and make a true change in their lives.

I hope this helps you! AND I AM GOING TO WORKOUT AGAIN TODAY! Man, I am so sore from yesterday, GOOD JOB SHILO!

Michelle 2-12-2009

A Brand New Year!

Ok, Ok, so I realize that it is not officially the "New Year" yet, BUT for me it is the beginning of MY New Year!

Jenn and I went and worked out with Carl today. (You have to read her blog! It is a great story!) AND I got to weigh in. Well, I was a little disappointed but then I had to take it all into perspective and I realized that I am still doing good!

So the last time Carl and I weighed, I was down to 238.5 lbs. When I weighed today, I was 237.75 lbs. I am sure that for some of you it sounds dumb to even worry about 3/4 of a lbs. BUT HEY, IT IS WEIGHT THAT I LOST DURING THE CHRISTMAS BREAK!

I mean we had homemade caramel! (Seth makes to die for caramel!) LOTS of candy and cookies and pies at my parent's house, PLUS meats like ham (BAD) and prime rib (EVEN BADDER!). Yes, I know "badder" isn't a word!

I was just excited that I lost a little something and that I did not gain. I watched a thing on TV last night and they were talking about how something like 95% of Americans GAIN weight over the holidays. So I guess if nothing else I can say that once again I am going against the grain and not acting like everyone else! :)

I figure that if I just pretend that this is January 1st then I am done with my sweets and goodies and I can get down to the business of getting fit! I am serious when I say that I am not going to back down from this challenage! I know that Christine and Jennifer are serious about this too! I was WAY proud of Jenn today! We were both dying of heat exhaustion today and even when Jenn was hit with a wave of nausea, SHE CAME BACK AND FINISHED WHAT SHE STARTED!!!

Plus, I decided that I can't go and lift with Jenn anymore! She outlifted me and I just can't handle that! :) I AM SO KIDDING! She really did kick butt today! I am SSSSSOOOOO proud of her!

Tomorrow we go back and see Carl again! I can't wait! :/ I will survive though!

Michelle 12-29-2008

What Christmas Presents Really Mean!

YEAH!!! I got to go and pick-up my Christmas presents today!

To start off with I had to go and get another load of hay for our horses. It wasn't a ton of hay! (hehe for those of us feeding animals right now you know that this is kind of a joke since we usually do buy hay by the ton!) It was about 35 bales in the back of our truck.these are the smaller 50lbs bales so not overly heavy BUT heavy enough that after throwing the first 15 of them up into the back of the truck to my husband I was breathing hard! It was good! I am not complaining because it is just one more way to get exercise into my life. I told Seth, my husband, that it wasn't the hay that was so bad, it was the fact that we were wading through about a foot of snow in our insulated bibs and snow packers!

After we loaded the hay then we had to take it back to our house and get it unloaded and stacked neatly so that the horses can't get into it and eat it all before we feed it out to them!

THEN CAME THE COOL PART....

I got to go and pick up my Christmas presents! Any guesses what my husband got me? I will give you a hint, it has to do with the hay we went and got! :)

YOU GOT IT RIGHT!!! I GOT TWO NEW HORSES!!! That gives us a total of 6 that we now own and I am so excited! One is a younger dun colored mare who is broke and we have been told does really well in the mountains! The other is a gorgeous paint gelding with some very unusual markings on his belly and legs! He is not broke to ride at this moment, so now I have one more horse we need to break! Seth and I also own his sister who have been working with and who we now have green broke and she is only about 22 months old. She is good and we have been told he is even better because of how much more calm he is then her so I am excited to see how he does!

These two horses were in the fields up here in Hayden where Roosevelt City has its water well. We had to go and catch them up which was a fun challenge within itself because they had no clue who we were and while they really wanted the bucket of grain I had (I was trying to bribe them!) they weren't going to let me get close enough to get that lead rope around their neck! Keep in mind I am in my snow packers and insulated bibs which weigh a person down quite a loy anyways and here I am running around through the fields and ditches in about a foot of snow trying to get the horses to calm down and let me catch them.

It was kinda funny because I had to work with them for about an hour before I could get them both caught up and even then Seth and I had to traipse all over hell and back to get them caught up. I was laughing inside because I thought, "if Carl could only see me now!" It was a testament to me though about why it is so important to be in better shape!

I was glad that I have been working on getting in shape the way I have been these last 6 weeks as it is! I know I would have been able to do it even before I started losing weight and getting back into shape, HOWEVER, I would have gone home and DIED! I would have done nothing for a week after doing everything I did today because it would of fatigued me that much.

I am glad that this is not what happened to me today! I came home and while I will admit that I layed in bed for abouot an hour after we got home, it was more because I was freezing to death and was trying to get warm not because I was exhausted! I also took down my Christmas tree today which was no small feat seeing as our tree was over 10 feet tall and fully decorated. Plus I did laundry, cooked some meals, cleaned up the house, AND worked on some presents for my kids to give their friends next week. My whole point of this story is to say that being fit allows a person to do so much more on a daily basis! I am so glad that I am able to fulfill so many tasks that make up my life as mom, wife, and business owner!

AND TODAY it all started with my Christmas presents!

Michelle 12-27-2008

Real Life

I AM SO EXCITED!!! I meet with my doctor today, who by the way IS TOTALLY AWESOME! His name is Shaun Shurtlef and he practices family medicine in Vernal at Ashley Regional Medical Center. He is a total riot to talk to AND he is really good at helping people lose weight and KEEP IT OFF!

So I went in today and got my physical. UGH...he is talking about a colonoscopy, which totally makes me feel old if I am talking about doing things like that. OH WELL! If it means in the end (haha-get your mind out of the gutter), I get to live a much more product life because I am able to keep on doing those things I love to do...THEN BRING ON THE BACKLESS GOWN!!! :)

It has been VERY stressful over the last few days because it is our deadline week. BUT WE GOT IT PUT TO BED TODAY!!! WAHOO!!! That is such a wonderful feeling when you push that send button for the final time and you watch as cyber space whisks your files over to be turned in the magazine! AND EVEN WITH THE STRESS OF THAT...I did pretty good with my eating. OK, except for maybe last night when a freind of mine brought over these decadent chocolate brownies. Hey, I only had four of them. Ok, maybe those four were the equivilent of a half of a pan of brownies. Ok and so maybe it was the 13x9 pan and not the little 8x8 pan. OK, OK...I broke down and indulged...BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!! I LOVE BROWNIES.

And Dr. Shurtlef even said today that it is ok to have those sweet treats...as long as I am willing to put in the extra work to burn off those extra sugar calories. OH MAN...THAT MEANS LIKE 3 MONTHS ON MY TREADMILL TO BURN OFF THOSE BROWNIES I JUST ATE. :) It will be worth it in the end though when I hit my target goal of 150 lbs.

Dr. Shurtlef and I talked about it today and we both agree 150 lbs is a great place for me to be! BUT...

HERE COMES THE SCARY PART...

READY TO HEAR IT...

HOW MUCH WEIGHT I HAVE TO LOSE THAT IS....

I AM TOTALLY PROCRASTINATING TELLING YOU, CAN'T YOU TELL...

100 lbs!!!!

Yes, you heard me right, I am going to lose 100 lbs. over the next year while we are doing our weight lose contest. It is not going to be easy and I know this, but I know that I can do it! And i want to do it! I don't want to give up things like riding my horse because I am afraid I will hurt her. I want to feel better, I don't want my body to hurt all the time because my weight stresses out my joints, and yes...I want to have crazy wild sex with my husband without parts moving that really shouldn't be moving! (Dude, it totally ruins the moment!)

Well, the next step is the nutrionist who is going to help me with setting up the right kind of menu so that I am eating the right foods at the right time. (Notice I did not say diet?) I am wanting to change my life and I will and you will get to see it all because this is REAL LIFE!!!

Michelle 11-20-2008