Leading A Horse To Water

"Leadership is not manifested by coercion, even against the resented. Greatness is not manifested by unlimited pragmatism, which places such a high premium on the end justifying any means and any measures." – Margaret Chase Smith

I have to start off by saying that I had something occur this week that had really had me very unsettled, well no, it actually had me really pissed and upset to think that someone would treat me like that! So much so that my nerves got the better of me and I was literally eaten up inside which caused me to get quite ill. I will not go into details about the issue, but it really got me thinking about how our actions influence those around us. This influence can be for both the negative and the positive. Although I will say that I feel like most of the time, it is for the negative.

I started to also really do some deep self reflection when I read an awesome blog by Andrea Nielson who is one the writers for me here at The Edge Magazine. She was talking about being humble and how when people have to constantly remind you of their greatness then they must not be so great after all. I must say, that I agree whole heartedly. If you are interested in reading more of it, then go and check her out at
http://andreaspersonaldebates.blogspot.com.

I have discovered during my lifetime that so many times we feel like we are acting or behaving in a certain way, when we are actually not and all those around us perceive what we are doing as completely opposite of what we meant it to be! The affects of our behavior can be either great or it can completely backfire and cause MUCH more harm than good. I know, I have had to eat A LOT of humble pie in the past and it sucks to have to apologize for my behavior.

I have found that sometimes it is really hard to be in the limelight with the job I perform here with the magazine, even though I absolutely love owning this magazine and getting to know the area and its people better! It is hard for me, however, to have people constantly call me out when they see me purchasing food that may not be so good for me, or if they read something in the magazine that they do not care for, or…well, I could definitely go on, but I am sure you get the point! The point is that so many times, being in a leadership position (and any business owner is!) I have discovered that it is just as important for me to be humble and grateful to ALL those around me, as it is to sometimes sell my accomplishments in order to allow people to see my value and worth. Being the "boss" or the leader normally means an even greater degree of sacrifice than anyone else around me. I have accepted this as my choice because it is! I am also a firm believer of NEVER asking someone to do something that I myself am not also willing to do. That is really hard sometimes too!

I have found though that more often than not, it is my willingness to treat others as my equals that has allowed me to be an effective leader. I feel so very blessed to have been able to work with the extraordinary people that I have in the past where I have been able to learn what it means to overcome, persevere and succeed, even when EVERY thing and EVERY one around you is telling you that you cannot. When I ask someone a question about their health or their family or anything that would normally be considered "polite" conversation, I am genuinely interested in knowing! I will openly admit that I put other's feelings and emotions before my own continually because I feel that I have reached a point in my life that I do not enjoy contention or mal-content. I am truly excited when others are excited about what they are doing, even if it is not always my favorite. I have learned that this is nothing more then simple and basic people skills, although for me, it is because I want to truly know what is important to others.

I enjoy how I feel, when I can walk away from someone and say to myself that I think that they were happy with their contact with me. I want people to benefit from their interaction with me, and not have it just be a one way street. I have been in situations in the past when I struggled with a "power-trip" complex and it was miserable! I was constantly on the defensive, I was always thinking people were trying to take advantage of me, and most of all, I was continually upset that people wouldn't do what I said. That is until I had a talk with every magnificent woman named Julianne Clayson-McGillis. Julianne is a National Sales Director with Mary Kay Cosmetics, and the VERY FIRST National Sales Director to ever debut in Utah. I do know her personally because I had the opportunity to work with her one on one when I was a sales director in Mary Kay several years back. For those of you who do not understand the importance of Julianne's position in this company, let me simply say this. She is in Mary Kay retirement. She NEVER has to sell another lipstick EVER again or recruit another consultant and she will still be a in the top 1% of people in Utah today when it comes to earned wages, including sports stars and well to do business men. Yes, she makes that much money and she lives in Sandy, Utah. And she did it by making TONS of sacrifices of herself in order to build up others and make them feel that they are of worth and value. Julianne had a crappy life. She was diagnosed with MS when she was a very young, single mom, but she never once used that as an excuse to not be a leader and more importantly, a good example!

Julianne explained to me that no matter what it is you are attempting to get people to do, you have to be willing to ask them in a nice a way and build them up or they will NEVER do what you ask of them with the proper attitude and spirit. She said threats do nothing but hurt feelings and cause much more harm than good! She gave us a great example one day in training that I want to share. She was speaking to us about her son who was HORRIBLE at keeping his room clean. (I mean to the point there was mold in there! GROSS!) So she started an experiment with him. Now, keep in mind this is a 17 year old boy who doesn't really care what his parents say, think, or do because if he felt too much pressure, he had already said he would just leave. So Julianne started with what I guess you could call reverse psychology on him. Every morning before he went off to school she would just give him a huge hug and then tell him thanks for being so willing to help her out and keep his room picked up. That was it. Well she said that for 2 months, NOTHING changed. He would give her a weird look and say "whatever mom" and leave. She never spoke to him negative, she never embarrassed him in front of his friends or the rest of their family, she never went and picked it up herself, she did nothing but build him up by saying thank-you to him. Yes, it was a thank-you and a recognition for something he had not done yet, but eventually he did! Actually he ended up doing so much more because he felt he was appreciated! That was the key she said…making others feel appreciated!

I have found this to be true in my own life. The more I give my kids POSITIVE recognition and re-enforcement, the better things are in my home. Do I still get cranky? YES!! Do the kids always do things perfectly? NO!! BUT, I do feel better about myself and my kids feel better about themselves and they get (well at least some of) the things done I want them to do for the most part. My next goal with my kids…CLEAN ROOMS! J

So the whole point of my journaling so late tonight, is because I have decided that the old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink" TOTALLY applies to families, businesses, churches, schools, EVERY aspect in life where you are attempting to be a leader. A person must be humble and I pray daily that I am able to be humble so that I am able to see clearly the pathway in front of me as continue in my daily journey's of life!