HIT MY GOAL!

YEAH!! I am so excited because I just had to brag on myself for a sec! I HIT MY FIRST GOAL OF 220 LBS!

YEE HAW!!! I know, I know, I am sure you think I am a goof ball, but this has been very difficult for me especially since my husband has been home due to an injury and subsequent surgery due to his job. It was not so much that he was home, it was the fact that his employer was more than willing to allow us to suffer financially even though this was an on the job injury.

It has really given me A HUGE amount of anxiety and stress. I guess the biggest reason of all was because Seth's Lt was the one who refused to stand up for him and make sure that he was taken care of. Here was a man for whom I had, at one time, a great deal of respect for now telling me, that "this is just policy". Even though he couldn't actually say what policy it was that he supposedly enforcing! It was just some policy that one time, "a long time ago" (yes he actually said that to me!) some Col with the Highway Patrol agreed to and so now we have to follow it! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?

I became a little irate to say the least! It is very difficult for me to see the amount of loyalty that my husband gives to this state agency. Loyalty to the point that it has nearly cost us our marriage, and the man who he looks up to as his "supervisor" and who also lives and works here in the Basin with my husband, was more then willing to hang him out to dry over nothing more than Seth performing his duties and sustaining an injury! I understand policy and procedure and I understand the importance of rules for us as a society to live by so that we may function properly. However!!!! What I do not understand is when my husband is asked to sacrifice everything! Including his life if need be, BUT his Lt is not willing to stick his neck out on the line, even slightly, for my husband and ask for something as simple, as not causing my family an even greater financial hardship due to an on the job injury.

So that is the stress I have been dealing with. When I stress, I eat! I am not claiming either that the stress I experience is any worse than anyone else's hardships in their lives. On the contrary, I know for a fact that there are families and individuals out there who would be grateful to have my problems instead of theirs! I can only attest to the hardships that I experience and how it directly affects my goals and attitudes.

It is just like I wrote in my previous blog about mental attitude.

"YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT TO ACHIEVE IT!!"

But there is also another great saying that I learned while in Mary Kay that I feel might apply even more so to my current situation.

"SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FAKE IT, UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!"

Have any of you ever heard that one before? If not, then think about it hard! This quote is not saying that you need to be a fake or false person! This quote is saying that there will be many times in your life that you are not feeling up to it or so sure of yourself and this is when you have to believe that you are the person who you want to be! In the line of work I am in, I get really insecure sometimes talking to people, so I have to simply tell myself that of course they want to be a part of this AMAZING magazine, because really, WHO WOULDN'T?!?!?!?

I have to use this same thought process to pull myself through when I am dealing with my own personal struggles (like my husband's ignorant supervisor or my own self-doubt about losing this weight!).

This is the whole reason we do not call this a weight loss contest, but a LIFESTYLE CHANGE! I will continue to grow and to learn and to adapt into a better person. Yes, I am sure this better person will have greater patience! Until then, I will simply "fake it" by continually visualizing myself as the woman that I am striving to become and until I "make it!"

Michelle 5-5-2009

Its a Brain Thing

OK!

So I have had several people comment to me that they thought I needed to talk more about what I am doing to lose weight. I will but let me say why I am so hyped up about the mental side of things.

Your mindset can make or break you! It sucks to admit that sometimes, but it is the truth! Whether you are positive about yourself, or negative about yourself, it will play a HUGE impact on how and what you can accomplish!

I have already told all of you that I have struggled with depression before. A lot of that depression was brought on by the physiological response my body had to being overweight. Extra pounds on your frame can cause things to shift in the chemical make-up of your brain. I swear it is true! I have researched this for myself and while I do not claim to be a medical professional I do stand beside this belief.

Because of this mental barrier that is already in place, it can make losing weight THAT MUCH HARDER!! I do not say this as a reason for you to give up what you are doing, but to encourage to strive for that goal that much more.

My husband and I were talking the other day and I shared with him a comment that someone had told me about myself. We were discussing how because of my tendency to hyperactivity, I intimate people at times. It is not that I mean too, but because I overcompensate my own insecurities with overconfidence! I told him that I had someone call me a "contradiction in terms!" He laughed for a moment and then proceeds to tell me that I am!

Let me explain. I am a type A personality which means I am very driven and motivated and I know what I want, BUT (and this is a big BUT!) I am a self saboteur! Within my own internal psyche I do not feel that I am good enough or worthy enough for what I am working so hard for or striving so diligently to obtain. I told you I was crazy, huh? :) Ok, Ok, you can quit giggling now!

So I have these two VASTLY different emotions rolling around within my head and my heart and it can cause a lot of internal turmoil that I have had to learn to control and master. I believe that to a certain extent, we all experience this same cycle of ups and downs. Especially us women who are blessed with these extra hormones meant for helping us to bear children. That is why I am such a big time talker on the mental side of your weight loss journey.

I have my weeks where I go down and I work out with Shilo and she just kills me! Then I come home and either run on my treadmill or run with my sister AND THEN I GO AND EAT THE ENTIRE CARTON OF MOOSE TRACKS ICE CREAM!!! (Yes, I hate to admit because it is REALLY embarrassing!) Talk about TOTALLY undoing all the hard work that I had just done.

This is the reason that I feel it is SO very, VERY important to have a support group around you. You need to have others to talk to about those emotions and feelings that you are experiencing because more than likely, THEY ARE TOTALLY NORMAL!!!

I just want you to take a deep breath and realize that tomorrow is a new day and YOU CAN ALWAYS START OVER! Blog with us if you are having a hard time with something. Come and feel the support of those in this area who want to see you succeed with your goals! I know I want to see you happy...the question is, DO YOU?

Michelle 4-30-2009